STEP 3 OF THE MENNONITE RECOVERY PROGRAM

I have a couple of friends who are former Mennonites.  They were raised that way, but have left the Mennonite Church for other meadows.  Though they left that denomination, the Way of the Mennonite can still be found in them.  We are individually a collection of what we experienced and were exposed to growing up.  So, by no fault of their own, in part of their DNA is the Mennonite ways.  Like most things in life, part of it is good, but part of it is a bit of bondage.  How to take the good stuff and make it better, but be rid of the Way of the Mennonite that seeks to create rules, bondage and expectations that are neither healthy or correct.  I tease my friend relentlessly about the supposed "Mennonite Recovery Program" that she is in - though I've yet to see them in print other than what I jot down on the table paper in the restaurant we meet at every week.  You might be a Mennonite if your grandfather had sex with sheep and was called up front in the church to be disciplined.  You also might be a Mennonite if Noodles & Mashed Potatoes are a food pyramid category alongside All Things Carbohydrateish.  Too many starchy carbs and sex with barn animals leaves for some bondage issues!  My friend has the biggest heart you'd ever find, but she cannot and will not say no to anyone.  In fact I was witnessed her inviting a truck driver who stopped in the office because he could not legally drive one more block without a fine to have a root beer, come in the back office, take his shoes off, watch some TV and take a nap.  He had merely asked if he could use an outlet for a bit to charge his cell phone while he waited in his semi for a relief driver.  She cannot and will not say no to social situations that she has no desire to attend or to people she does not want to spend an evening over dinner with, shopping with or attending Elvis impersonation acts with.  She can think bold, stand up for yourself thoughts, but would never ever say them out loud.  At dinner the other evening she whipped out these two small spiral bound, as I put it detective tablets, from her purse to look for some written piece of information that was vital to the conversation.  I became enthralled with what she had written in these tablets.  Firstly, it was willy-nilly with information about everything and nothing in no particular order. There was web URL addresses, random people's names, quotes from a sermon, notes from a self-defense class, the score to her IQ test, an old grocery list, and a small drawing resembling a woodland creature.  Then my eyes fell to the page with subway sandwiches and toppings written on it.  I asked her, "Why do you have sandwich choices and toppings written in this tablet."  Hers was a classic Mennonite pleaser response, "Well, I ordered sandwiches a few times for these people and I thought if I ever need to do it again for them I will know what they like and have it written here in the tablet."  I smiled and asked her, "Well, I notice there are no names by the sandwiches.  Do you have the people's choices memorized?  And better yet, do you remember who these people were that you once ordered subway sandwiches for?"  She began to roar in laughter realizing her "pleasing" others was a little out there as she really didn't remember who she had ordered the sandwiches for and why she was unable to tear it out of the tablet.  I tell her all the time that to get through Step Three of the Mennonite Recovery Program she has to stop pleasing everyone to the detriment of herself.  Boundaries are good.  Helping others and playing it forward is noble.  Going to dinner with someone you don't want to maintain a friendship with, is well bondage and will never, ever get you to Step Four in the Mennonite Recovery Program - BEHAVIOR BASED AFFIRMATION:)  (coming soon to a blog post - The Road To Mennonite Recovery - freeing yourself from a life of carbs and mental bondage)