MY DUFFEL BAG

I am going to uncover a mystery for men realizing that they don't often venture into the world of purses.  No doubt they were reared with a healthy fear and respect for their mother's purse.  When I was a kid I remember my mom's purse.  It was somewhat out of fashion, always unsnapped or zipped, and crammed to the brim with some things identifiable and many not.  To the eyes of a child there was a certain mystic in that mess of stuff - possibly hidden treasures.  My mother would stand in front of the cashier in a store calmly rifling and rooting around her purse, hand diving side to side and up and down searching for some coupon, piece of paper or money.  More than a few times I said, "Mom, what is all that stuff in there!  Why don't you clean your purse out?"  Life has come full circle.  The older I have gotten, the messier my purse has become.  There are literally times when I just throw things in much like it is a small duffel bag - an apple, a banana, a water bottle, bills to be paid if I have a few minutes waiting somewhere, contact case (my husbands), glasses case, possibly sunglasses, 42 tubes of lipstick, sticky notes with various things scrawled on them, receipts overflowing my wallet that need to be posted to my online checking register, sometimes a book, dental floss, my favorite pen, loose coins mixed in with lint and the remainders of bits of indistinguishable crumbs which line the bottom of my purse like sand at the bottom of the ocean.  My purse weighs, at best guess, on any given day somewhere between 5-7 pounds (and yes I weighed it just now).  Now gentleman, having no doubt held a woman's purse (your wife, girlfriend, etc...and hopefully not while purse snatching) while she used the bathroom, tried on clothes in a store or so she could put cream and sugar in her coffee at the Starbucks counter, you have probably said, "What do you keep in there?  It weighs a ton!"  Men are minimalists and moochers (part of why we have so much crap in our purses to begin with) when it comes to carrying articles of anything around with them.  Quite frankly though the alternatives are slim for men; a man purse (my daughter's boyfriend in college carried one-need I say more!) or the well regarded highly fashionable fanny pack.  There really is nothing out there manlyish enough to carry glasses, sunglasses, eye drops, chap stick, a wallet, comb, mints, keys or possibly a granola bar.  Instead men either go without those items, ask their wives to house them in their purse for them, or they cram their pockets so full thus endangering their man parts and/or causing some sort of hip dysplasia.  Every week I say inwardly that I am going to get a handle on the disorganization in my purse - that I will clean it out for the last time and that it will stay that way from henceforth forward.  On the way back from a trip with my husband we went through a toll both.  He handed me the loose change from paying the toll and watched in disbelief as I just tossed it randomly in my purse loose.  I really have tried purses with numerous pockets inside and also the ones that are a dressier version of a shopping bag - wide open inside.  Neither have helped me be clean and organized for more than a day.  I also am not one of those women who change purses to match the outfit they wear.  Honestly the transfer of stuff from one purse to another would just take far too long.  Besides, it goes against my scaled back style:)  I am though a bit envious of those rare women who can merely carry a clutch purse - holding only a $20 bill,  their drivers license/debit card, a singular tube of lipstick, a compact mirror, a single Kleenex and one tic tac.  If I were ever stranded in my car I could live a week off the apples, bananas, fireballs, sesame honey candies and PURE bars that reside near the bottom of my small long handled black leather duffel bag I call my purse.