A YEAR IN THE REAR

Years ago I was a closing agent for a title company owned by one of the prosecuting attorneys in the county I lived.  I figured closing figures and then conducted the actual closings which finalized the sale/purchase/refinance of a property.  That state figured property taxes "a year in the rears", payable twice a year - May and November.  So if you were paying the May 2011 tax bill you were actually applying it to May 2010. You were in essence paying for something that you already lived.  My birthday was yesterday.  I turned 45.  That's not old, but then again, it's not young either.  Birthdays make you think about things like; mortality, significance, regret, hope, thankfulness, where from here, how you look, how you feel, what really matters, what happened in your life since your last birthday.  I looked a year in the rears yesterday.  What was going on last year when I turned 44?  I was going through a divorce after 25 years of marriage, sitting down with a counselor to help rid my soul of hurt and anger and conflict within, experiencing life being single, eating oatmeal nightly in the bathtub, running religiously, worrying that my relationship with my parents might never be the same again, fretting over the hurt that my daughter and her husband were experiencing, wondering how to earn more money, going to the beach every weekend, starting this blog, experiencing God's abundance in my spirit - manna, mourning a deep loss, hungering with relentlessness to live differently and love differently than the first half of my life, getting ridiculous gifts from my two dear friends - all geared to the single life, sitting in church alone and actually enjoying just God and I, meeting Big D for breakfast every Tuesday morning, visiting the license branch approximately five times and the social security office twice, writing daily, seeing God answer prayer, setting my crazy loose.  It was a year of massive changes, loss, freedom to be Lynn for the first time in my life, the magic of the gift of true love, 30 days from first date to the altar, trips, combining households, changing my job status, reordering life with passionate love on a daily basis, massive home improvement projects, acceptance and love of my new husband by my whole family, experiencing the difference that love makes.  A lot has happened in a year.  Looking in the rear view mirror I am amazed at the flurry of things, the frenetic pace, and the amount of territory covered in a year.  If there is an emotion that can be labeled, described, or experienced, I have had them all this past year.  Last August I felt like I was in a life raft thrown in the big ocean.  All around me was water and I couldn't see land.  It took me some time to realize that meant I could go any direction I wanted.  And I have.