HOW DO I DO THIS AGAIN? I HAVE FORGOTTEN. Can someone remind me!

There are flavors in life:  the taste of creme brulee' on a spoon sliding off on your tongue, a fresh papaya eaten in Hawaii-cut in half dug out with a spoon, the first snow of the season on your face, a good run with sweat dripping off your skin, the smell of honeysuckle, a book that takes you somewhere in your mind that you hesitate to want to leave, a bad cup of coffee, the look of polyester and being asked out on a date after a 25 year stint on the bench.  I don't know how to respond to the invitation of a date properly, let alone go on one.  This is a flavor I am not familiar with.  I want to scream, "Please leave me alone and go away!  I'm presently broken, fragile, untrusting, frightened, and have no desire to go in a canoe or out to dinner with you."  Instead I seem to murmur ridiculous things like, "I have plans.  Thanks."  "Yeah I love the outdoors, but don't have extra clothes with me right now.  Maybe another time."  So, why can it not be proper etiquette to say, "There is no way in hell that I would ever go anywhere with you even if I was strong enough emotionally to."  At 16 it's part of the game and you play, moving your game piece.  In your forties you don't know how to play the game any longer, plus there are now pieces missing to your board game.   This is new and way too big.  You know I feel much safer watching the game from the bench.  It would take a multi-billion dollar contract to move me off the bench:)