50 DAYS

Not that anyone other than me was counting the number of blog entries.  In case you want to know, it's number 50.  That was my goal.  To write 50 entries in a row.  Ok, I succeeded with the exception of Friday, October 1st I was too exhausted to stay up and write.  But, I put myself in detention and Saturday, October 2nd you will see two entries:)  This started actually 51 days ago on a weekend trip with my two sisters.  I shared with them my desire to write - divorce experiences and just life.  We sat outside on August 14th at a coffee shop as they encouraged me, fanned my desire to life, came up with a few topics, helped with the title of the blog, and described characteristics of me that helped me see myself through the lens of others.  It was a great weekend.  My husband of twenty-five years and I were divorcing and he had moved out three weeks prior to that weekend getaway.  I poured my heart out to my sisters, drank a bottle of wine, bought a dress I still haven't worn, confessed things to them that they had no idea about, was reaffirmed with their love and laughter, slept in the bed with my oldest sister just like I did when I was scared as a kid.  I encouraged them both to buy something sexy to go home to their husbands with.  They did:)  I took pictures of their cleavages and them holding up their sexy wares and texted it to their husbands to start the flame for them:)  I desperately wanted them to have great marriages since I didn't.  The weekend over we parted ways, all back to our respective lives - them to their husbands and kids, and me to my house now alone.  I felt energized after being with them and ready to bite off this blog.  No idea did I even have technology wise how to do it!  So on August 15th after multiple failed attempts at setting it up I sat down to write.  Every day I somehow came up with something to say, whether anyone cared to read or not, I wrote.  I motored to day 37 without much thought of what to write about.  Then I hit a blog entry wall for several days before my mind and spirit let loose again.  For me this has been a great experience - just getting to write random thoughts down day after day put wheels to actually writing.  This blog has caused me to think, I mean really think about thoughts, memories and feelings.  It has helped me to know I have something I want to say.  I did this for 50 days during a time in life where things have been a bit well, strange-new-and scary at times.  I think sitting down for a couple of hours a day to write caused me to focus on something other than going through a divorce - and that has been a blessing.  It's funny that I reached day 50 the day after we signed our final divorce paper.  I truly believe this has been a vehicle used by God in my life for tons of reasons - discipline, preparation for writing in the future, to feel, to remember, to laugh, to be open about who I am, to see God in events in my life, to change my focus.  I kind of feel like I just ran a marathon in some regard.  Remarkably I feel lighter and more free than when I started 50 days ago.  Possibly I realized things more clearly about Lynn; who she is, who she wants to be through the remainder of her life, how events have shaped her and what lens she views things through.  Thank you to God for giving me sisters who helped flesh this whole idea out on paper.  Mostly though, thank you God for using this as part of what my soul needed.