"THE SKY IS FALLING! THE SKY IS FALLING!" said Henny Penny with great alarm.

Henny Penny was a children's book when I was a kid.  The premise was that Henny Penny (who by the way was a chicken) was an alarmist, a worrier, a fatalist who always went around squawking that the sky was falling.  In reality it really wasn't.  I'm her today.  A little bit of gray seeped in on me today, and then the dark clouds rolled in across my horizon and well, pretty soon a full-fledged storm was a brewing in my mind and spirit.  How did I let that happen?  It's like I was sitting on a lily pad with my negative-gray thought and then I just hopped to the next lily pad for the next one.  Before long I was lost in a sea of worry, regret and fear.   I am worrying today about a job that can provide an income I need to live for the first time in 25 years alone.  I worry about a job that will have benefits and provide me the ability to one day retire with some money.  I am worrying about what if that doesn't happen.   I worry that I am alone - not scared but realizing the burden lies on me.  I worry that my parents who are struggling with my divorce will continue to be distant and disengaged.  I worry that if I get sick and can't work what will I do.  I worry that my car will break down.  I worry that my furnace will go out.  Straight from worry I hopped right to regret.  I regret that I didn't financially plan for a divorce (is that possible).  I regret that I wasn't able to evoke change in my marriage or mate or at times, even myself.  I regret choices that I made early in my life that were destructive.   I regret that somehow I couldn't maybe articulate or it wasn't enough to make my mate want me or love me.   I regret the marshmallow that I ate over the campfire at my sister's tonight (although it was good).  I regret I didn't finish college to give myself a better skill set for a job.  I regret that I didn't stand up and say no to living a very difficult life when I was 19.  I regret that at times I had to squelch the true me for the world I was in.  Oh and after I wallowed in worry and regret I let fear completely take over.  What if all that I am doing will make my life even worse than it was before?  I fear I will have to move in with my parents to survive.  I fear the mountain before me is far too big for me to get over.  I fear never having someone to love me enough to think more of me than them.  I fear not being able to be significant in what I do - relationally, career wise and with writing.  I fear my dad will say I told you so.  I fear sometimes that I have changed the way people look at God through me.  I fear that my separated mate will decide to become a stinker in this divorce.  I also fear that his life will not be ok.  I fear the first time I go on a date - with deadly fear.  I fear that I won't let anyone in to love me.  I fear that I really am not as intelligent, gritty and full of charm as I think I am.  I fear that I don't really have that much to offer.  Today my soon to be divorced husband came to sign a paper.  I didn't do well.   He said my hair was beautiful and that he regretted not taking care of me and being consumed with himself (I have heard that a few times throughout the marriage).   The only thing I could do was fight back the tears as they spilled out of my eyes.  The hurt is still there.  I know that this is the right thing to do as I have lived with his regrets for 25 years, but they never ever led to change.   He said he knew it was time to move on and I know that too.  It's just then the gray cloud moved in and well so came worry, regret and then fear.  Tomorrow will be better.  I am parking my mind on what I do know and letting what I can't control, change or do over not dominate me.  And, I am trying to cast away my hurt and let it loose.  Today I lost my groove.  Tomorrow Henny Penny, the sun will be back.